


Dirty Secret

by Niffala



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak, Insecurity, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niffala/pseuds/Niffala
Summary: A 2 year relationship kept in the dark. Can it survive?
Relationships: Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My writing is garbage, but here's some more. I'm sorry for any mistakes. I don't have anyone proofreading these...This takes place after End Game, but Steve came back and Tony is still alive.

[2 years ago]

“Look out!”

Those were the first words Steve Rogers ever said to me. I laugh thinking about it now. I heard those words screamed at me, turn around to see freaking Captain America running at me full speed and picking me up bridal style. A piece of the wall falling down where I was just standing. 

“Don’t worry mam, I got you.” He began to race out of the crumbling building. He believed me to be a civilian in danger. It was so cute. 

I was on the 24th floor at an antiques dealer's office… I wasn’t shopping. I was there to collect something precious for my client. Ok, I was stealing it. It wasn’t my business why. My clients hire me to obtain items that others can’t. Museums, banks, businesses, government buildings, nothing was beyond my reach. 

This was an easy job, especially seeing as how the place was being evacuated, due to some gang with alien powered weapons wrecking the place down to the foundation. The Avengers were involved and were checking the building for anyone trapped. That’s when Steve found me and literally swept me off my feet... It was quite exhilarating, until the ceiling started coming down on top of us. He braced for the impact, protecting me with his shield and body. It wouldn’t work, it was my turn to save him. 

Once we appeared outside I said my first words to him, “It’s ok, I got you.” 

He opened his eyes and looked at me, confused. I watched the realization cross his face that we were now down the block from the damage. He looked back at me and smiled, “You certainly do... I’m Steve.” 

I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I’m Marison.”

“That's a beautiful name. Uh.. how did we get out here?”

“Well, that’s a little complicated,” I replied, both nervous and amused. 

\----------

Turns out it wasn’t that complicated. New mutants were popping up all over the place after the third snap. Too much cosmic energy flowing around, I guess. Steve and his team were not shocked at my history or my ability, but they did see a use for it. I was offered a position, pending extensive training and so forth. I had the chance to prove myself and be able to kick ass, save the world. It was too tempting to pass up.

My new almost teammates made me feel welcome from the start. No one made me feel like a freak or a criminal... They call what I do teleportation. I call it turning into a ball of light that blinks off and back on in a different location. I’m a damn flashlight. And my power has its limits. I can disappear and reappear someplace else, but only as far as a city over. Anything I touch will move with me though. And this is where I was deemed valuable. 

The team coined my unique teleporting as “orbing.” I guess that’s better than saying flashing. Quick getaways would be my specialty. They always were, honestly. It’s what made me a proficient thief. I’d orb in, grab what I needed, and flash away without a trace. See, orbing just sounds better. 

With the training program they had me on, I was able to stretch my orbing to 3 states over. I still have far to go in the fighting department, but that’s not what they really needed me for. My job is to get the Avengers in, gets hostages out, emergency extractions, etc. I’m basically a quinjet on legs… I discovered I can be pretty good on stakeouts and brief undercover missions too. I’m unimposing, not stunning to look at and blend in. I pretty much go unnoticed. That’s not something they taught me. Fading away just comes natural to me I guess. 

\----------

Two months into my training, I screwed up. I disobeyed my captain and he got hurt. 

It was a hostile village firearm simulation. Thankfully not real ammunition, this was harmless laser rounds. I had to shoot at the target robots, while dodging the civilian robots. Steve ordered me to shoot the 3 on the left first, but I could only focus on the one in front of me that I kept missing. The 3 rushed in faster than I anticipated and I fired too late. 

They descended on me and my pistol was knocked out of my hands. In a panic, I orbed behind them, but they were programmed to follow me. So when I reappeared they whipped around, guns pointed at my head. The system announced, 'You're dead, Tinkerbell.' Ug, thanks for that Tony. 

Steve jumped into the arena and reminded me I wasn’t supposed to use my powers. This was an exercise to strengthen my other skills. He walked to the back of the bots to pick up my pistol. 

I was tired, I was cranky and admittedly acting childish. I was fed up, “I don’t have any other skills, Captain. I orb away. That’s what I do, that’s who I am.” Indignant, I walked around to where he was standing. “This is getting ridiculous. We’ve been at this for hours. Is it ever going to be enough for you?”

Steve was about to reply when the robots spun around to follow me. There was a sickening thud and Steve stumbled forward. The damn robot smashed him in the back of the head while trying to aim at me. Steve righted himself immediately, but boy was he mad. He touched the wound, fingers coming away red. 

My eyes must have been as big as saucers. “Steve, I’m…”

He held up his hand to silence me and stalked off without another word. I felt like shit. Not only did I make a mistake and act like a whiny brat, but someone else was hurt because of it. I left the training facility to return to my room. I showered and changed into my regular clothes. Then I headed to Steve’s room to apologize. 

I almost lost my nerve after knocking. A sob threatened to escape. What if they kicked me off the team before I was really on it?

Steve opened the door and seemed surprised to see me. Before he could utter a word I told him how sorry I was. How very very very sorry I was and how I would never purposely get him hurt. I offered to get him ice, pain medicine, a head massage. Anything so that he would feel better and forgive me.

Steve chuckled at my babbling, “I’m ok, Marison. Don’t worry about me, I got a hard head,” he turned around to show me that it was already healed. “It was barely a scratch. And it was partially my fault as well. You are greener than most recruits and I have to remember that. But we have to train you in all forms of combat, and you must listen and obey orders.” 

“I thought I was just the getaway person,” I replied flatly. “I’m never going to be helpful in battle.” 

Steve put his hands on my shoulders, pleading with his eyes. “Yes, you are our way out, but I need you to be able to handle yourself. What if I need you to grab a guard, and he fights back? I need to know you can defend yourself and subdue him. I can't be worried that you were killed when you rematerialized.”

I couldn’t let him down. I couldn’t let any of them down. “I will try harder, I promise.”

“I know you will. I believe in you Marison. You can do this, but you have to believe in yourself too. Ok?” He wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. I nodded and allowed myself to enjoy his warm embrace. The feel of his strong arms, the thumping of his heart, the smell of his cologne.

That hug lasted longer than I thought it would. When Steve pulled away, I yearned to pull him back to me. I was flabbergasted when he invited me in to watch a movie. I agreed enthusiastically. 

Steve sat next to me on his couch. I couldn’t even tell you what we were watching. I could only focus on how close he was. My heart was beating so fast I knew he had to hear it. And when he reached his hand out to hold mine, I damn near had a heart attack. 

I kept pretending to watch the movie until Steve started rubbing circles on the back of my hand. I turned to look at him, a little bewildered, and very turned on. He slowly ran the hand that was holding mine up my arm, to rest at my cheek. His thumb smoothing over my lips. Making me tingle in all the right ways. His eyes darkened as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. Tentatively at first, but it soon became heated. 

Scorchingly hot really. Steve was on top of me, devouring my mouth and leaving fiery kisses across my exposed skin. Making me breathless and needy. He was grinding on me, his hands up my shirt, kneading my breasts through my bra. My hands found all kinds of fun places to explore. I wanted to kiss each one of them. I didn’t want it to end, I could die happy having him like this. 

He eventually seemed to return to his senses and pulled away. I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment. Steve looked like he was having an internal struggle, but in the end he asked me to leave. I was being dismissed. 

The rejection stung. I went back to my room to lay down. Sleep eluded me as I kept playing what happened over and over in my head. Does he do this a lot? With other recruits? Why did he stop? Will this be weird tomorrow? I’m sure in his mind it was a one time thing. Me on the other hand, I’d happily keep returning to that blissful bubble we created. 

\----------

The morning arrived swiftly. I walked out of my room to find Steve standing there. He handed me flowers and apologized if things went too far last night. I assured him that I was happy with everything we did. He then asked me out. I think you could have pushed me over with a feather.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve wouldn’t tell me where our 1st date would be. I wasn't sure what to wear so I went with a casual yellow dress. He asked me to meet him in the parking garage.

When I arrived, he was standing by his car waiting. Shit, was I late? His stunning smile assured me I wasn't.

Steve opened the car door for me. Then ran over and got in himself. "So, are you ready to go?" 

"Yes… Where are we headed?"

Steve smiled and indicated to look in the back. On the rear seat was a folded blanket and a picnic basket. An actual fucking picnic basket. I had no more questions.

Steve drove for a while, I wasn't sure the exact destination. He stopped the car seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Trees all around, no sign of people or civilization. 

He opened my door and helped me get out. Grabbing the basket and blanket, he asked me to follow him. As if I'd say no.

After only a minute we came to a clearing. It had lots of plush grass, dandelions and wildflowers. The birds were chirping and I could hear water not far away. It was so romantic. I couldn't stop smiling. How did he find this place?

Steve laid out the blanket. Giving me a great view of his behind. He offered me a seat before settling himself. I watched as he started pulling out the food he prepared. 

Steve took out a few containers and bottled water. One container had celery, carrots, and hummus. Another had cheese and crackers. The last contained grapes, strawberries & three Oreos. "Dessert," he explained. The last items he took out were two, slightly smooshed, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I laughed. "Sorry, I'm not much of a cook and the kitchen wasn't stocked." 

"No, this is great. You did a good job." And I meant it. Smashed sandwiches and all, this was wonderful.

He smiled at me again. Oh...that smile. We began eating and conversing. I tried not to let the jitters get the best of me. I wanted to pinch myself to make sure this was real.

Steve noticed me rubbing my bracelet. “Hey, I wanted to ask, why do you always wear this?” He held my wrist, caressing the pink and purple woven jewelry. “I’ve never seen you without it.”

“Um, yeah I don’t take it off.” I continued to let him touch it. “Back when I first got my abilities, I worked for a PI who specialized in missing persons. I was proud of that job. Sneakily stealing files and information, even from police. And when possible, rescuing lost people. Lacey made me this bracelet after I took her from her abductor. She was only nine. We got to her before she was hurt.” I couldn't help tearing up at the memory. “My job ended when my boss was killed. I lost my apartment and my livelihood. I needed money so that’s how I fell into the whole thieving thing.” I looked off, embarrassed. I know Steve knew that part, but I still hated admitting it. 

“We all make mistakes, Marison. You used what you had to get by.”

I turned back to Steve, “I want you to know I'm grateful for the chance you've given me. I know I'm not a soldier or an assassin or a genius or a hulk. I'm just me, a freak of nature." A poor substitute for the people that left, in one way or another. I kept that part to myself. "But I will keep working, I want to be good enough to join. I want to be an Avenger."

Steve held my hand, “You’re more than enough. I can see your potential, Marison. That's why I push you so hard, so you can see it too. I know you can do this.” He smiled at me reassuringly. 

“Thank you, Cap… er, Steve.”

His smile fell, “Um, look... I feel like I need to apologize again for the other night. I lost control. I’m your captain and I crossed a line I shouldn't have.”

“Then why did you?”

Steve met my eyes, “Because I wanted you.” He took a deep breath, “But I began to worry about hurting you or scaring you off. I’d rather have you as a friend, than not have you at all.”

“Is there a rule against us dating?” God, I hoped not.

“No, but some may frown upon it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“That’s the last thing I feel around you.” I suddenly felt emboldened, “You can have me, Steve. You can lose control with me, I want you to.”

Steve broke the eye contact, deep in thought. After several minutes of staring at his shoes, he broke the silence. “Have you… have you told anyone about our date?”

I was slightly confused why he was asking, “Um, no. I was too nervous. I didn't really have anyone to talk about it with anyway.”

“Do you think that maybe we can keep things between us for now? See where this goes before we let anyone else know.”

“I see,” I said apprehensively.

“You know how the team loves to be in each others business,” he continued. “We could avoid the gossip and meddling.”

“Ok, just us,” I agreed. I didn't want anyone thinking less of Steve for being with me. I’d rather have him in secret, than not at all. 

We toasted with Oreos and continued talking, enjoying dessert. I watched him chewing on a strawberry. He was growing his beard out. He looked so handsome, I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and touching it. 

“Does it bother you?”

“I like it,” I assured him. “It suits you and makes you look sexy as hell.”

His ears tinged pink and he smiled, “If you like it, then I’m definitely keeping it.”

I continued stroking his beard, he caught my hand and placed soft kisses on it. Now I was blushing.

“Do you want me, Marison?”

“Fuck yes!” I practically launched myself at him, smashing my lips to his.

He kissed me back, pulling me onto his lap. My dress hiking up with the action. He began carding his fingers through my hair. Getting a good grip, he pulled just enough to send shivers down my spine. Kissing and biting my lips, hands roaming every inch of me, my whole body felt electrified. 

Steve gently tugged the top of my dress down exposing my chest. His hands massaging my breasts, pinching my nipples. It was naughty being out in the open like this. It only added to my arousal. 

I screamed in surprise as he suddenly flipped us over. He was now hovering above me, smiling and stripping his shirt off before diving back in. He took his time fondling, kissing and sucking each breast. I moaned in pleasure, hands in his hair. 

My breathing became erratic when Steve slipped his hand into my panties and started gently playing with my clit. Running his fingers through my folds, “So wet for me, darling.” He kissed me hard, before pushing two fingers inside, pumping them in and out. He continued kissing down my body. Sucking and biting his way to where his hand still toyed with me. 

I was on fire, heart pounding, aching for more. My toes started to curl, the tension in my belly unbearable, I was so close. “Please, Steve.” I whined embarrassingly loud when he suddenly pulled away. 

He chuckled, sucking his fingers. “Don’t worry sweetheart,”, he slid my panties down my legs and pocketed them. “I just want you to come when I’m inside you. I went light headed watching Steve opening his pants and pulling them down...

The rest of the date passed in a sex fueled haze. I think I may have passed out at one point. But as high as he made me, Steve was there holding me after, bringing me back to earth with soft kisses. 

The sky became beautiful shades of orange and pink. The birds were still singing. Steve holding me tight in his arms. It felt right, it felt perfect. Steve was perfect. The location was perfect... I would cherish those grass stains forever.

I never did get my underwear back.

\----------

It was thrilling at first, sneaking around. Having this secret relationship with a teammate. It was sexy and romantic. It wasn’t forbidden, but hiding it made it feel that way. Just the right amount of wrong to make us crawl back for more. It felt special, hot, kept us on our toes. 

Steve was an attentive and passionate lover. The sex was incredible, electric, addictive. He would pull orgasm after orgasm from my body, leaving me dazed and feeling like jelly, walking funny the next day. He was intoxicating, had me completely under his spell. I tried my best to keep up and show him just as much attention, if not more. 

Most of the time we fucked like animals, rough and demanding. Steve loved being in control and I was too happy to let him lead. It was like we had this insatiable hunger that couldn't be satisfied until we were alone. The buildup of secret glances and touches throughout the day made it so much better. Having to hold back, made each night more explosive. We’d just go crazy on each other. When Steve was feeling particularly bold, he’d whisper dirty things in my ear when the others were around. Well, that usually led to quickies in nearby closets or his car. The risk of getting caught a huge turn on. What a rush.

Other times it was slow and intimate. Like we had all the time in the world to enjoy exploring one another. He would take me apart then put me back together with his embrace, his kisses, his sweet words. He would hold me after, leaving lingering kisses on my head, telling me he loved me. Sometimes Steve and I would just lie in bed, cuddling and talking about our days. That was my favorite. I loved him completely.

We cherished having this level of privacy, this secret place just for us. He was mine and I was his and there was no reason to involve anyone else. That bubble we had continued to grow to Steve's room. It was our own paradise. My powers made it easy to sneak in his room without being seen. Or to orb out to a date. In the bubble, he belonged only to me. I didn’t have to share him with the world. 

Nowadays everyone shares everything on social media. Every aspect of their relationship, and every breakup. I can understand why he wanted to wait to tell our friends. If we didn't work out, things would be weird for all of us and may jeopardize the team dynamic. The secrecy kept the pressure off of us. No obligations except to each other. We didn't have to prove anything to anyone. 

\----------

Steve is making love to me, my face cradled in his large hands. He’s staring intensely into my eyes, telling me he loves me again and again. This was all that mattered. This was my choice, my place and I never wanted to leave.


	3. Chapter 3

[Now]

I’m happy to report that I am now a full member of the Avengers. My code name is Luminescent. I'm not fond of it, but it was that or Firefly and there's enough bug people on the team. The current members are myself, Steve, Sam, Bruce, Bucky, Wanda, and Peter when he’s not at the university. Tony & Rhodey stepped back into consulting roles, we only see them from time to time. There are so many allies now. So many Avengers on call, like Thor and Carol. Scott was offered a permanent position before myself, but he decided to spend time with Cassie. I respect his decision, he missed so much of her life already.

I have to say I am proud of myself. I worked my butt off and was successful. I have a job to be proud of again. One that comes with a new room on the Avenger’s floor, not that I spend much time in it. My nights belong to Steve, in his room. We’ve been together for just over 2 years now. Fuck, I love him so much. He was it for me. I could feel it in my bones.

The relationship wasn't tension free, however. The excitement of being caught became a fear. We've been lying to everyone for so long, what if they reacted badly? What if they didn't accept our relationship? What if they were upset and hated us for lying to them? I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn’t want to lose the family I had found.

The more time passed, the harder the secret became to keep. I hated that I couldn't have his picture as my screensaver. I hated that any picture I took of us had to be hidden in an encrypted folder. That I couldn't sit next to him and cuddle during movie nights. That I couldn't kiss him goodbye at the hangar when he left for a mission. How any texts to each other had to be work related or innocent and vague. How when we were in public we could only act like friends. How when we go to the movies he would only hold my hand when the lights go down. How I had to hold my tongue over the coms when I wanted to tell him I loved him. Always having to settle for a ‘be careful.’ I wanted to hold him in med bay when he was injured. I wanted to be with him all day, not just at night. Not just on secret dates. It was so so very hard.

I see other couples like Tony and Pepper, even Parker & his girlfriend and I'm jealous. Seeing what they had, made what Steve and I have not seem real... Maybe it wasn't. 

I wanted to tell our friends. I wanted to wear my love for him on my sleeve like a badge of honor, but Steve still wanted it kept quiet. ‘Too scared to ruin what we have.’ I couldn’t understand why he made me hide for so long though. Maybe I wasn't worth telling people about. The constant sneaking around and lies became exhausting. I feared he was only keeping this secret so that he could easily dump me when he got bored, without feeling guilty. There would be no drama and he’d never have to face the music. 

\----------

I still loved waking up in Steve’s arms. He always left before the sun was up to go for a run. He would kiss my head and slip out quietly. Never once saying he loved me, like he did the nights before. It’s like our relationship ceased to exist with every sunrise. I was expected to orb back to my room before the rest of the team awoke… Steve only says he loves me at night, while in bed. It took me months to notice, now it breaks my heart every time. 

After returning to my room and getting ready for the day. I grabbed a quick muffin and coffee and decided to take a walk before I had to officially start my morning. Whose idea was it to have a briefing at 8am anyway? 

I walked the path outside that led to Natasha Romanoff’s memorial. It was peaceful there, beautiful. I sat down on one of the benches and watched the fountains. The whole team missed her. I wish I could have met her. She was gorgeous, deadly, intelligent, and fearless. She spoke several languages, was an expert spy and a fierce friend. And there were the sides of her only her closest friends knew. How despite her unbreakable poker face, she was sweet and kind hearted. She held the team together even in the bleakest times and there was nothing she wouldn't do for someone she cared about. Her sacrifice allowed the rest of us to return. The universe owes her a debt that it could never repay. I like to take time out of my week to offer her my gratitude and admiration.

I was lost in thought when Tony appeared beside me “Hey Tink.” He was fond of the nicknames. I've been called Tinkerbell, rainbow bright, glowstick…

I rolled my eyes, “Good morning, Tony.” 

“The meeting’s in 5, better get a move on.” He blew on his own coffee, acting disinterested. “Oh quick question…”

“Let me guess. You and Pepper have a hot date and you need a babysitter?” I smiled at him, already knowing the answer. 

“Yes, this Saturday. Can you?”

“Of course. Who else can I sing Disney karaoke with?” I started walking toward the main building.

Tony shouted out to me, “You're the best Light Bright.” Look at that, he found another moniker. 

\----------

Well this was unexpected. A French crime lord was dead. My upcoming mission canceled. It was officially ruled an accident, autoerotic asphyxiation. The screen showed a picture of him dangling above a bed with a heavy ceiling chain wrapped around his neck and hand.

“Well I’m not one to kink shame, but that seems excessive,” I joked. I was trying to hide my disappointment that Steve and I wouldn't be going to Paris together.

Bucky leaned in and whispered, "That's cause you and Steve are freaks." The last word drawn out for emphasis. 

I elbowed him. Bucky is the only one that knows about us. The walls are mostly soundproof, but as we found out, they don't stand up to supersoldier hearing. It took weeks of him unwillingly listening to Steve and I before he said something. Steve was too embarrassed to look at Bucky. I bought him earplugs. He became our only confidant. He thinks we are good for each other. It was nice having at least one person in my corner. 

Sam scoffed, “Do we really believe that's what happened?”

Maria looked up from her device, “No, but let's not look a gift horse in the mouth.” Another picture appeared. “Following Beaumont’s untimely death, the other members fought among themselves for leadership and seem to have scattered. We will keep an eye on the situation, but for now you're all dismissed.” She looked back at her device, swiping at something. “Oh, Steve, I need you to stay. There are other matters we need to discuss.”

The rest of us filed out. I turned back to Steve, offering a small smile. He reciprocated. I’d be seeing him later, we had a date. 

\----------

Steve was acting strange. He apologized for being late to our lunch date. It wasn’t a big deal, but he remained pensive, moody. I kept trying to start a conversion but he was distracted. He just stared at his food, preoccupied with whatever was running through his mind.

I waved my hand in front of his face, “Steve?”

“Yeah?” he grumbled. 

“I said, now that our mission is canceled, maybe we can go on a vacation. I’m thinking to that cozy bed and breakfast in PA. What do you think?”

“I can’t. I, um, leave for another mission in a few days. And, uh.. the briefing is this evening?”

“Oh,” I pouted. “Well maybe when you get back?”

“Ya, we’ll see," he answered dismissively.

"Do you know what you want waiting for you when you get back? Blackberry pie? Macadamia-chocolate chip cookies?" His usual reply was 'just you,' but I'd always make him a little something anyway.

"Look, I can’t think about it right now. I need to concentrate on the new mission. Get my head in the game. This mission is too important. I have a lot I need to prepare for this mission briefing. In fact, I need to cut our date short and start. I’m sorry, but the mission needs to come first.” Steve looked stressed out. I couldn’t understand why. This was par for the course in our line of work. 

“Ooh, say mission again,” I teased. “You sound so sexy when you say mission, it really gets me going.”

Steve flipped out, slamming his hand on the table. “God damn it, Marison, don’t you take anything seriously? First that quip during the meeting, now you’re poking fun at me.”

Why was he so upset? “Steve, I was only…”

“You were acting a fool, and now you’re being a bitch. Grow up. You’re an Avenger, act like it,” he snapped.

“Why are you jumping down my throat? My sense of humor never bothered you before. What is really going on, Steve? Please talk to me.” I was proud of myself for managing to not cry. Steve never spoke to me like this before. 

Steve stood up from his chair, “You…. you wouldn't…” He didn’t finish. Stomped back to his car and drove off. 

What the hell just happened? I sat there stunned. Something was going on. Steve got broody sometimes, but never this angry. And never toward me. Not even when we fought. I orbed back to base. I tried again to speak with Steve, but he wouldn’t. He walked away from me, again. His behavior baffled me, and it cut deep.


	4. Chapter 4

It was almost 5pm when I saw Steve again. I still had no idea what was going on. He was standing in the lobby, arms crossed, stiff and looking nervous. There wasn't anyone else around at the moment. 

"Hey," I greeted quietly. Ready to leave if he decided to act aggressively again.

Steve's head snapped around. There was no anger in his eyes, he looked remorseful. He gave me a sad smile and walked over, enveloping me in his arms, "I'm so sorry, Marison. I don't know what I was thinking. I had a lot on my mind, I didn't mean to blow up like that. It was uncalled for. I'm so very sorry. Please forgive me." 

Sam walked in before I could reply. "Forgive what?" 

Steve stepped away from me, "I accidentally stepped on her foot."

"Ouch! I've been there, Marison. Bigfoot over here needs to be more careful. It's like being crushed by a hippo." Sam gave me a side hug, smiling at Steve.

"That it is," I laughed. Mouthing 'we're okay' to Steve. He smiled back at me, relieved. I hope he'll open up to me later. "Will I see you both for dinner?"

"Count on it. I'm gonna need a big bowl of pasta to get me through this evening's briefing. I'm sure Wanda and our resident aquatic mammal will too." 

I chuckled, "Are hippos aquatic?"

"A hippopotamus will spend almost 70% of its life in water, so yes… They aren't called the river horse for nothing."

"I don't think anyone one calls them that, " Steve snickered.

Sam cocked his head to the side, clearly annoyed with us. "You guys need to expand your viewing selections. Something beyond history and baking shows."

I wrapped my other arm around Sam and gave him a squeeze. "So it's just the three of you? What happened to working in pairs?"

Steve nodded, "We will be. Fury has an agent joining us."

As if on cue, a blond woman entered. She was beautiful. Her whole face lit up when she spotted us. "Looks like I'm right on time. Are you my welcoming party?" 

Sam was the first to respond. "Agent 13. Long time no see. To what do we owe the pleasure?"

Agent 13… Sharon Carter… Steve's Sharon. What was she doing here?

Steve put his hands in his pockets. "Sharon will be our fourth. Fury asked her to go to Bolivia with us. She's familiar with the territory.” He met Sharon’s gaze, “It's nice to see you."

It was clear Steve had expected her. He looked… delighted. Why didn't he tell me she was coming? 

She walked past Sam and I, “Likewise, stranger.” She embraced Steve. “It’s been far too long.” She stepped back, her smile was dazzling.

Steve kept his hands in his pockets, expressed his eagerness to show Sharon around the new compound. This being the third Avengers’ headquarters, built on the same sight as the second. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Looking both at her, and through her. I knew that look. He was caught up in the past again. I’m not stupid. I know they have history, and that she was Steve’s last link to Peggy, the love of his life. 

Looking at Sharon, she seemed just as taken with Steve. Her warm brown eyes were locked on his. It felt like I was intruding on a private moment. Sam must have noticed too, because he whisked me out of the room, telling me we should give them some time alone. My stomach flipped... He didn't even introduce me.

\----------

Steve disappeared with Sharon for the next two hours, they didn’t make it to dinner. I sat alone, rubbing my bracelet, unable to stop my mind from wandering to ugly places. I only know they made it to the briefing because I saw them through the conference room glass. I wasn’t spying, I was concerned. 

\----------

It was half past 9, when I orbed into Steve’s room. I brought him a plate of food because he missed dinner. He was sitting on the couch, going through papers on the coffee table. I sat next to him and put the plate on a free corner. 

Steve smiled, “Thank you sweetheart. I already ate at the meeting, but thank you for thinking about me.” He turned, giving me a chaste kiss. 

“Oh… ok.” I picked up the plate and orbed to the kitchen, placed it in the fridge and orbed back. I snuggled into Steve’s side, trying to silence that little voice in my brain.

Steve sat back and wrapped his arm around me. He kissed the top of my head and when I looked up at him, he kissed my lips. 

“I love you, Steve.”

He hummed in agreement and kissed me again. I pulled away, prepared to say something to him, but he beat me to it.

“Sharon and I are going to lunch tomorrow.” Noticing my furrowed brow, Steve continued. “Just a friendly meeting to catch up, touch base before the strategy conference with Sam and Wanda later.”

That inner voice was now screaming, making my ears ring. They were going out. This was deeply unsettling. Compounded by the fact they would be going to another country together very soon. 

I tried to voice my concern, “Didn’t you two catch up enough when you were giving her the tour?”

Steve seemed amused, “Is my little doll jealous?” 

“No,” I grumbled.

“Sweetheart, I assure you it's not a date. It’s just Tuesday lunch with a friend. You have nothing to worry about.” He could tell by the look on my face that I wasn’t convinced. “I will tell Sharon I’m taken,” he offered. He began undressing me and kissing my neck, effectively distracting me. “I’m your man, Marison. Let me prove it to you.” He picked me up and carried me to bed. 

\----------

Steve was asleep on my chest, snoring. I continued running my fingers through his hair. Even after a long night of lovemaking, I still had that nagging in the back of my head, that queasiness in my gut. I kept telling myself it was just my insecurities talking. Steve and I have been together for a long time now. We belonged to each other. He wouldn't throw away two years for an old flame. I held him to me tight. I was worried over nothing. He loved me… right? Everything would be fine.

\----------

Steve and I sat across from each other, eating breakfast, playing footsie under the table. We were back on track. Yesterday was just a hiccup and we got past it. It was just us, enjoying a new day. 

I took a large bite of my breakfast sandwich. The yolk popped and squirted across my face. “Shit!” I grabbed my napkin to wipe it off. 

“Ah babe, you know I like it when you're messy,” Steve said seductively. 

I snorted, “Perv.” I gave him a one finger salute.

“Your perv.” 

Happiness poured over me like honey, hearing him call himself mine. I love him so fucking much. 

Bruce and Wanda sat down with us, chatting about the latest episode of some new detective show. I continued rubbing my foot on Steve’s when he suddenly pulled his foot away, giving me a hard look. ‘Behave,’ he mouthed harshly. I tried to not let that hurt as much as it did. 

\----------

Lunch with Sharon began harmlessly enough. She met Steve at a food truck by her hotel. They got their food, Steve paid, and they sat at one of the tables that were set up. Steve doesn’t know why he felt anxious before, Sharon was easy to talk to. They spoke about how nice her hotel was, about what they've been up to these last few years. They discussed work, Steve telling her about the new team and recent missions. It was great catching up with an old friend. 

Sharon gave him a gentle smile, “I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing so well, Steve. I’ve been worried about you?”

“You have? I mean I’ve been doing ok, all things considered. I’ve… I’ve thought about you too.” Steve smiled back, reassuringly. 

Sharon took Steve's hand in hers, “Do you ever think about us?”

Steve was stunned, unsure of what to say. So he went with the truth. “Ya, sa… sometimes,” he admitted.

This pleased her. Sharon squeezed Steve’s hand, scooting closer, her leg grazing his. “I want a chance to make you happy, Steve. I think we owe it to each other to try. I mean, we never really got a chance to be together. We met on my undercover assignment. Then I joined the CIA and was stationed in Berlin. After that, you were on the run, and I had to get off the grid. Then Thanos happened and I was dusted. It’s been a hard road, but I think our time is now. I think we could be great together. Just give us a chance.” She looked at him, hopeful.

Steve quietly listened, unsure how to feel. Guilt, obligation, a longing he couldn’t pinpoint, hesitation and a spark of affection. He should tell her he’s already with someone. He should….

Sharon leaned over and kissed Steve, catching him off guard... On instinct, Steve kissed her back. Hand reaching out to run through her hair. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, he stopped, but Sharon was too in the moment to notice. She continued to kiss him before pulling away, grinning. 

“I’m so happy we’re doing this,” Sharon said while scratching his beard “Hmm, this has to go. It's like kissing a carpet.” She wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled his neck. “This has been a great first date, Steve.”

Steve tried to keep his distress to himself. Unable to force any words from his lips, he sat there mutely. Letting Sharon hang all over him. It will be ok, he thought. I’ll talk to Marison and she’ll understand... like she always does.


	5. Chapter 5

There was a lot of racket coming from the common room. Loud chatter and uproarious laughter. I orbed in to see what the commotion was about.

It looked like an impromptu party. Everyone was sitting or standing in small groups, having conversations about one thing or another. It was nice seeing us all together like this. More often than not, we're all off doing our own thing. 

Sam, Bruce and Peter over on the sofas. Tony, Rhodes and Pepper sitting at the table. Wanda and Steve standing in the middle of the room, talking to Sharon. Bucky was leaning on the wall in the back corner, looking angrier than usual. If looks could kill, then Steve's group would be annihilated. Maybe I should go hang with him so he doesn't feel left out.

I was within arms reach of Bucky, when Bruce announced my arrival, “Ah, Marison, finally.”

This caught Sharon's attention, “The teleporter?" She walked over to shake my hand. "I've heard so much about you. It's good to finally put a face to the name." She released my hand and introduced herself, "I’m Sharon Carter… Steve's girlfriend."

Steve's what? I had to be hearing things. The room was going tippy. I grabbed the nearest chair for support. “Na- nice to me- meet you.” 

Sharon smiled brightly and walked back over to Steve, putting her arm around his waist.

My body felt split in half. My heart fell to the floor as I burned up from the inside. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, pushing to fall.

Nobody seemed to notice my anguish. Sharon's announcement was met with cheers.

Peter was the first to speak up, "For Real? That's great you guys."

Tony was quick to follow with, "Capsicle finally got a girl. About damn time."

"Finally you guys, talk about a slow burn. I was giving up hope of you two finally getting together," Wanda gushed.

Sharon was practically glowing, "I know, it’s about time, right?" Then she turned around and gave Steve a kiss on the lips.

Sam chimed in, "Oh come on, I'm happy for you two, but I don't need to see that again."

My fallen heart shattered. I couldn't breathe. I heard someone say "I think you two make a lovely couple, congrats." And other voices offering their blessings.

My chest was constricting painfully, I couldn't catch my breath. The blood was pounding in my ears, a few tears escaped. My head stayed low, eyes glued to my hands gripping the chair. I couldn't look up, I didn't want to face this... This… This had to be a joke. That's what this was, a prank. Any moment now Steve would say gotcha and admit he was seeing me, not this blond agent. 

Sharon's voice broke through the static. "I do hope we get back in time for Steve and I to go to Tony's party together."

"You’re coming to the charity gala? That's wonderful. The more the merrier," Rhodey declared.

Wanda seemed excited, "Do you have a dress yet? We could…"

Everyone was so enthusiastic about the new couple. I couldn’t hear anymore. No, no, no, no. Steve asked me to go to the gala with him. Why is he doing this? One by one my tears started to fall faster so I ran out of the room before anyone noticed.

-

Steve turned his head to Bucky, staring helplessly. His friend's face was like stone. Jaw hardening, as he stared back. He wasn't going to receive any help. Steve excused himself to chase after Marison.

\---------- 

"Please wait. Sweetheart stop!" Steve shouted. It made me freeze on the spot.

Steve continued, "This isn't what it looks like. I was just as surprised as you that Sharon said those things…"

I turned to him, "Don't! Don't say her fucking name. Just go, your girlfriend's waiting." I waved him off.

"You are my girlfriend…" he tried to touch my face but I pulled away like he burned me… He did, and it was a goddamn inferno.

"Stop bullshitting me, Steve... God I'm such an idiot. I was never your girlfriend. I was just your dirty secret. Admit it!" Now I was yelling, "This whole time you wanted to keep quiet about us, never wanting to tell even our friends that we were together... All your reasons were just lies, weren't they? What a fool I was, believing you actually wanted to be with me. I clearly was just someone to warm your bed till someone better came along…"

A few tears streamed down Steve's face. "That's not true. I could never use you like that. I care about you so much, I wanted you all to myself. Just us, remember. We had something special and I didn't want to share what we had. I wasn't ready to tell them. I..."

I laughed humorlessly, "Two years and you couldn't tell them? Well lucky for you everyone in that room already knows who your girlfriend is. Crisis averted. Goodbye."

"No Marison, please. It was a mistake. I lo…" He tried to grab my arm but I orbed away.

-

"...ve you," he finished after she was gone. He wiped the tears from his eyes. What was he supposed to do now? He tried to compose himself before returning to the common room.

\----------

I spent the following days in my room, door locked, sobbing until I had no tears left. Each breath forced, my chest missing what made it tick. It felt like I was dying… I hoped I would so I didn't have to feel like this anymore. 

I kept wishing it was all a bad dream. That I'd wake up in Steve's arms, safe and sound. When I wasn't crying, I was struggling to sleep, plagued by nightmares. My treacherous brain conjuring images of Steve and Sharon together. They were laughing at me, I was a joke. They looked so in love…

For the times I was forced to leave the protection of my room, I avoided Steve at all costs. Having FRIDAY check rooms before I entered them, and orbing out if I heard anyone coming. I considered quitting. I didn't want to, this was my family. But how could I stay?

\----------

I stood in the observation room, watching the team load up for the Bolivian mission. Once the quinjet was ready, Wanda entered the aircraft, followed by Sam. I caught a glimpse of blond hair. Steve began to walk onboard. Sharon glued to his side, arm linked with his... I couldn't help but notice he shaved his beard… You'd think I'd be done crying by now.

\----------

I tried my best to hide it, but little Morgan could tell I was sad. She even let me be the princess in the play she forced me to perform. She was always the princess, proud of her pink tiara, it was a big deal to her. She was such a sweetheart. How could someone so young be so empathetic? I let her have a second helping of dessert that night. She hugged me especially long before she went to bed.

\----------

Bucky was waiting in my room when I returned. I orbed in and screamed my head off seeing the dark figure sitting on my bed. 

He walked over and pulled me to him. My second hug of the night. "You ready to talk, tell me what happened?" he asked gently.

"Not really," I sniffed. "I'm sure you heard it all from Steve. You probably know more than I do." And the tears returned... I'm sick of being so weak.

"I don't know anything. Steve won't talk to me. I was hoping you would." He rubbed my back soothingly. Steve's silence was hurting him too.

"I'm sorry," I shrugged. "I'm not sure what I can tell you. I don't understand it myself. I thought we were okay. He was mine at breakfast. Then he comes back from lunch hers." 

The floodgates opened. Bucky held me through it. Once I calmed down, he took a good look at my face.

"You sleeping ok, doll?" he asked, concerned.

"Sure, an hour here, an hour there." I noticed him glaring at me in disbelief. "It's just… I can't... The bed's too cold without him, Bucky. I feel lonely and... vulnerable. The demons creep in when I sleep alone." 

He nodded, understanding. "Have you eaten? I can get you something."

"No, thank you. I haven't been very hungry… I haven't felt much of anything aside from this excruciating pain in my chest." 

He nodded again, stood up and left the room. He came back and handed me a box of buffalo wing Cheez-its and a bottle of beer. "You can't be mad at me for forcing you to eat if it's junk food. Doesn't count."

\----------

I never felt so grateful to the brunette. He continued looking after me, protective. We didn't talk much, but he held me when I needed comfort. Would help steer me away from things that reminded me of Steve. He'd remind me to eat and take care of myself…. I wasn't alone.

It was movie night. Bruce, Bucky, Tony, Pepper, Morgan and myself watching a new animated film that Morgan picked. Bucky and I were cuddled on one of the couches, munching on popcorn. It was a welcome distraction from my inner turmoil.

The remaining adults kept talking during the movie. Receiving a lot of shushes from Morgan. Their conversation shifted to the new couple. About how long they must have been dating, about how beautiful their babies would be...

I could feel myself start to panic. I couldn't listen to this. I needed to leave.

Bucky gently tugged my shirt, "Come to bed." 

I got up and followed him out. Leaving three very confused faces behind.

\----------

The team returned earlier today. I didn't go to the hangar to greet them. Bucky and I left to go shopping. He claimed he needed my advice on a new jacket. I knew he didn't, but I was glad to get out of the compound.

\----------

Bucky grabbed my hand as we walked into the building. He could hear the debriefing was still in progress and we'd be walking by the room. He knew I'd need him to anchor me.

-

Sharon watched Bucky and Marison walk past the conference room, holding hands. Her eyes lit up and she poked Steve's arm, gesturing to us. "Are Bucky and Marison dating?"

Steve shook his head, "No, definitely not."

"Are you sure? I mean they look…"

"I'm sure!" Steve replied harshly. 

\----------

That evening, Bucky and I were in the kitchen. He made me a cup of soup and a sandwich. Watching me to make sure I ate it. I called him a mother hen. He kissed my temple and made something for himself. 

-

Sharon whispered to Steve, "I still think something's going on between Bucky & Marison."

Steve spared the pair a pained glance. He shook his head and looked away.

"Oh, come on. They're always together, always touching and sharing looks. If they aren't a thing, then they should be. Wouldn't they be a cute couple?"

Steve doesn't answer, upset by the thoughts swirling through his mind.

Sharon didn't seem to notice Steve's distress, "I'm going with Wanda tomorrow to look for shoes. I can't believe we only have a day and a half…"

Steve wasn't listening, he watched Bucky and Marison finish their meal. They didn't look his way once.


	6. Chapter 6

Saturday came too fast. This is hell, I'm in hell...Steve was leaving with Sharon for the gala. I watched them walk out of the lobby, looking like two gorgeous cake toppers.

I went over to the window, waiting for them to get in the limousine. Silently, Bucky appeared beside me. It was going to be just him and me tonight. He never goes to these big parties, they make him uncomfortable. 

"That was supposed to be our limo. We were going to go together."

Bucky looked at me with sympathy, "I know."

"I thought we were telling everyone tonight. I spent an obscene amount of money on this beautiful emerald green dress. I had the shoes and the makeup and hairstyle picked out. I wanted to look as good as possible, so it looked like we belonged together. So he wouldn't be afraid to tell people I was his... I should have known better…. Look at them, they look like they were made for each other." 

Bucky's face hardened as Steve's head dipped into the car, "He loves you Mar. I know he does. I don't know what has gotten into him. I want to kick his ass myself, believe me. Screw his head back on straight." 

"Is that why I had to be a secret all this time? Cause he loves me so much? You know, he only ever said he loved me during or immediately after sex. Never even on one of our dates. I may be dumb but I'm not dumb enough to think he ever meant it." I took a shaky breath as the first salty drops slid down my cheeks. 

"Doll…"

I plopped down on the nearest chair, burying my face in my hands. "I'm so stupid... He was ashamed of me this whole time. That's why he insisted I hide, but he paraded her around the second she arrived."

Bucky remained silent, walking over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

"He didn't even bother breaking up with me first. I wasn’t worth a goodbye, or a get lost... I get it, why date the gullible thief when you can have the smart, beautiful, badass agent... Can't blame him though, can I? I wouldn't pick me either."

Bucky had enough, his voice stern, "Get up!"

I was startled, "Why?"

He leaned over the chair, putting his face at level with mine. "Because you are going to go to your room, put on that dress, get dolled up and we are going to the gala together. I refuse to let you sit here and cry. Now get up!"

I stared at him in disbelief. He couldn't be serious. "It's starting in 23 mins."

"Yes, but if we take the orb express you will have plenty of time to get ready and we'll only show up fashionably late. So get a move on," he barked.

\----------

We stood outside the event's entrance, this place was impressive. Majestic, ornate and humongous. Bucky looked handsome. His short hair styled, his facial hair trimmed, his dark grey suit fit perfectly. I didn't even know he owned one. I wore a sleeveless high low dress with a deep v neck. Lace adorned the top, making the straps and back see through. The lace on the skirt extended longer in the back. I felt pretty… and terrified.

Bucky noticed I was rubbing my bracelet so he linked his arm with mine. "You have nothing to be nervous about. You're drop dead gorgeous. Steve's not going to know what hit him."

"I doubt he'll even notice," I answered morosely.

"You're wrong about that," he stated as he led me through the doors.

-

Sharon was the first to spot the new arrivals entering the party. She smacked Steve's chest, "See, I told you they were a couple."

Steve turned his head to see who Sharon was referring to. He felt the wind get knocked out of him. Marison was here, looking incredible. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Before he could stop himself, he started walking over. That's when he noticed the arm she was gripping tightly to, Bucky's. Was Sharon correct? He swiftly retreated back to the bar. What the hell was going on?

\----------

As the night wore on, Steve became more sullen. He tried to will Marison to look at him. He waited for an opening, but she never looked his way and Bucky never left her side. He watched them all night, seething. 

Sharon led Steve to the dance floor. A slow melody playing. She held Steve close and swayed to the music. "This has been an amazing date, Steve. I'm having a wonderful time."

"Me too." He twirled her and pulled her back to him.

"You've been practicing."

Steve smiled wistfully, "Something like that."

Steve couldn't say what was on his mind. And Sharon didn't inquire further. They continued dancing through to the next song.

-

Bucky was doing an excellent job as my date. Throughout the night he was attentive and affectionate. He stayed close to me, making sure I was okay, listening to everything I said. He helped me avoid Steve, he accompanied me on each trip to the bar or restroom, just in case. He held my hand or kept his hand on my lower back at all times, keeping me grounded. He'd throw in kisses to my cheeks, temple and hand whenever he deemed it appropriate. I guess we were believable because no one questioned it.

Things were going well. I was actually starting to have fun.... Until I saw them. Steve and Sharon dancing, staring lovingly at one another. Like no one else in the room existed.

Bucky noticed I was starting to get upset, his eyes followed mine. He slammed his drink down on the table, growling. 

He offered me his hand, "May I have this dance?"

I looked away, "You know I don't dance, Bucky."

"You should," he replied with a smile.

Two could play at that game, "You don't dance either."

"I will for you. Let's go." He pulled me into the mass of moving bodies. When he found a desired spot, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

I tried to enjoy our dance, but every time Bucky turned us, I saw them. Seeing Steve hold someone else like that broke my heart all over again. I tried closing my eyes, but the image remained.

Bucky tried reassuring me, but as Steve leaned in to kiss Sharon, I lost my resolve. I buried my head in Bucky's chest, trying to stifle my sobs. 

Bucky moved his arms higher, embracing me fully. He was furious with Steve. That punk was making a huge mistake. He made sure he caught Steve's eye before slowly lifting my head and kissing my lips. 

I pulled away gently, "Bucky, I can't. I don't play these kinds of games. I wouldn't do that to him." 

"I know doll, you're too good of a person to mess with someone's feelings. I'm sorry for doing that." Bucky looked genuinely apologetic. "I hope I didn't make things awkward between us."

I shook my head and hugged him. He escorted me out to the balcony for some fresh air. I needed it, it was getting harder to breathe the longer I stayed inside.

\----------

Bucky removed his jacket, wrapping it around me. We stood at the railing, looking down to the street below. I don't know how long we were out there, but he continued to stay by my side until I found my voice again. 

"I was never going to be enough for him, was I? I never loved anyone as much as him... I thought this was it, I found my forever. Guess we weren't on the same page." I looked at Bucky who was graciously allowing me to vent.

"The fucked up part is, more than anything, I just want him to be happy. As much as I want to confront him and scream and let everyone know the truth. Another part wants to make sure he doesn't screw it up with her, wants him to live happily ever after." A hollow laugh flew out of my mouth. "Like I said before," I pointed to myself, "stupid!" 

Bucky turned my body to face him. "You're not stupid, Marison. You love him. People do crazy things for love, including forsaking their own happiness for another's... You have the biggest heart and you don't deserve to be taken for granted." 

He hugged me tight and continued, "I thought you two were perfect together. You made each other happy. I've never seen him so happy till he found you. I don't know why he's acting this way. I don't recognize the man in there. I know you don't believe me, but he does love you."

"Am I just supposed to wait on the sidelines until he decides to come back to me? It won't happen, Bucky. I have to face reality. He doesn't want me. I'm not good enough. He's made that very clear." I choked back tears, I had to stop crying.

Bucky cupped my cheek, "You're freezing, let's get you back inside."

"I can't go back in there, Bucky. I'm just going to orb back to headquarters and resign. It's killing me seeing them together. I couldn't bear having it rubbed in my face day after day. It will be better for everyone if I just go."

"Then take me with you." He smiled when I looked at him, puzzled. "You shouldn't be alone right now. And you most certainly shouldn't quit. Please stay. Let's go home and talk more. You're a part of this team, you're family. Don't leave us. Please."

I nodded, orbing us back to my room.

\----------

The rest of my night was rough. Bucky held me through my tears and my outbursts. We talked about everything. All about my relationship with Steve. My current feelings, how much of an asshole Steve was. He convinced me that I shouldn't be resigning, that it will all work out. I just had to be patient. And in that moment, I believed him.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning I woke in Bucky's arms. It was the best sleep I've had in the last two weeks. I felt safe, warm and wanted. 

Bucky was already awake, patiently waiting for me to rise. He smiled at me when I sat up. "How are you feeling?" 

I offered him a small smile. "Better... Thank you, Bucky, for everything." 

"You don't have to thank me for being here for you, Marison. That's what friends are supposed to do." 

"Still," I kissed his cheek. "I'm going to shower. I'll see you later, right?" 

Bucky nodded. "Absolutely. We could get out of here. Grab something to eat, see a show." 

"Sure," I replied before shutting the bathroom door.

-

Bucky stared at the door, morosely. She didn't deserve this. To be tossed aside like she didn't matter. He didn't know what came over Steve, but he was going to get to the bottom of it.

His ears pick up on Steve's distinct footsteps, coming back from his morning run. He was coming closer. Bucky smiled devilishly. Marison may not play these games, but he was going to do what he had to to knock some sense into Steve. So he pulled off his shirt, ruffled his hair and walked into the hall grinning.

Steve froze in his tracks shocked. 

"Good morning Stevie. Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day," Bucky said as smugly as possible.

Steve looked at Marison's door, then back at Bucky. "Did you just…?" 

"Hmm?" Bucky raised his eyebrows in mock ignorance. Steve looked back at the door, jaw hardening.

"Oh," Bucky smiled delightedly. "I tell ya, Steve, that Marison is lovely in and out of that dress. And so flexible," he teased.

Something in Steve snapped. He shoved his friend into the wall, pinning him by the throat. Rage and jealousy surging out of every pore. "What did you do? Did you fuck her?" he screamed. "You were waiting for me to mess up so you could step in, weren't you? Are you with her? You think she's yours now? Tell me!" He was livid. His best friend and his girl, it couldn’t be true. 

"Well punk, if you must know I was with her all night..." Steve increased the pressure on his jugular. "...holding her as she cried her eyes out over you," Bucky strained to finish.

Steve stepped back, looking guilty. Not guilty enough, in Bucky's opinion.

"What are you doing punk? Why are you breaking Marison's heart and flaunting it in front of her? That woman loves you, truly loves you and this is how you behave." 

"I don't ….I didn't …" Steve stumbled over his words. 

Bucky was seething, "Didn't what, Steve? Because you damn sure did a lot. All of it shattering your actual girlfriend. Did you ever tell Sharon you were already in a relationship? Have you even thought of Marison once since she showed up?" 

Steve looked at his feet, ashamed. He wanted to explain, wanted to make his friend understand, but the words wouldn't come. 

Bucky saw red, "No? Didn't think so. A Carter shows up and nothing else matters to you. You go blind to everything and everyone else. I hope you're happy, Steve. Hope it was worth it," Bucky concluded venomously.

"It's not... I've been miserable, Buck. It was all a mistake," Steve admitted. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking stricken. "I didn't want this. I never meant for this to happen. When I went to lunch with Sharon, she made some good points. I felt obligated to…" 

"You don't owe that woman shit," Bucky interrupted.

"Don't I?" Steve looked Bucky in the eyes and faltered. "I mean, she made it seem like…" he ran his hands through his hair, pulling at it in frustration. "I don't know alright. I know I fucked up. I got caught up in it and I was afraid to embarrass Sharon and everything just spiraled. It just happened." 

"That's a piss poor excuse, Stevie." Bucky was barely containing his anger and disappointment. "You 'accidentally' started a relationship with someone else. That's bullshit. What about Marison? You don't love her anymore?"

"Of course I still love Marison. I'm never going to stop loving her." Tears began sliding down his face. "She's it for me, Buck. I want to be with her and Only her. She is my future and I hate that I've jeopardized that. I have to fix this. Please tell me how to fix this."

Bucky sighed heavily. "I don't know what to tell you, punk. You've been a fucking idiot." 

"I know," Steve agreed, wiping his eyes.

"Look, Marison still loves you. So there is hope, but you need to fix this fast! Start by kicking Sharon to the curb, immediately. Then be prepared to go to Marison and grovel for your life. She'll eventually forgive you. She loves you too much not to. It may take awhile to get back to where you two were, you'll have to earn back her trust, but I don't think the damage is irreparable."

"I'll make it right, I promise. I will gladly fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness. I will spoil her and show her everyday how much I love her. How important she is to me…" Steve thought of a plan. "I'm going to tell our team that she's my girl." 

Bucky was genuinely surprised. "That's been a long time coming, pal."

Steve nodded. "Too long." He looked at his phone. "I have to meet Fury in a half hour. Afterward, I will handle Sharon. Go pick up as many flowers as I can carry. Then beg Marison for a second chance. If it goes the way I hope, I will announce to everyone that we're a couple. That will prove to her how serious I am." Steve was confident it would work. It had to.

\----------

I had to admit, I was feeling better. After the heart to heart with Bucky last night and a long steamy shower, I felt lighter. Like the world wasn’t falling down around me. Maybe I can get through this. Not in one piece, a big part of me would always be missing. But I would survive.

My stomach growled. When was the last time I felt hungry? Guess it’s time to grab some breakfast. I threw something on and made my way to the kitchen. Some eggs and bacon sounded excellent right now. 

As I walked down the hall, I saw Steve’s door opening. I stopped, preparing to leave if he noticed me. I wasn’t ready to face him just yet. I held my breath and waited…. I should have ran. 

I found myself suddenly collapsing under the weight of the world I not 5 minutes ago thought was stable. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me, it would have been a mercy. There it was, the final knife... It was Sharon leaving Steve’s room, heading to the kitchen. She was wearing Steve’s shirt, only Steve’s shirt, sex hair proudly on display. I swiftly orbed away before I was seen.


	8. Chapter 8

I made it to my room before the torrential downpour of tears started. I lost him. I really lost him. He belonged to her now. He chose her, indisputably. There was no getting him back. I couldn’t stay here. I couldn’t keep torturing myself seeing them together. There’d be nothing left of me. I had to leave. 

My first stop was to turn in my resignation. Fury was stoic as always. I was gobsmacked when he asked me directly if this was about Captain Rogers. Of course he knew. He offered me the possibility of a transfer, but I declined. I wanted to be as far away from this life as possible. 

Next I had to see Bucky, to say goodbye. I ended up telling him what happened. I needed him to understand why I had to go. He was unhappy, but didn’t fight me on my reasons. He held me in his arms for a long time. Assuring me that I could always depend on him. I promised I would keep in touch. 

Last on my list was to say goodbye to the rest of the team. Everyone seemed genuinely upset that I was leaving. Telling me how much they would miss me and that I would always be family. Banner nearly crushed my ribs, hugging me. Tony had to throw in one last Tinkerbell jab before he shook my hand. I left them with promises of future calls and get togethers. 

With the hard parts out of the way, I returned to my room to pack. 

\----------

Bucky was beyond furious, his blood boiling. He marched through the facility, intent on confronting Steve. He found him outside, getting out of his car. The back seat filled with dozens of flowers. He stormed over and punched him in the face, knocking Steve to the ground.

“So this is how you fix things with your girlfriend, by fucking someone else? Your relationship was salvageable. You could have gotten her back. How could you do this? Claiming you love Marison after you just slept with Sharon.”

Steve sat up, rubbing his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, jerk.” 

Bucky punched him again, this time with his metal hand. He needed to make him bleed. Mar his face as punishment. He let Steve know exactly what Marison saw. Throwing in a few more jabs for emphasis.

Steve cautiously stood up. He shook his head, but there was no denying it. “I didn't plan it ok, it was an accident. Sharon said she drank too much and was too tired to drive back to her hotel. I wanted to give her somewhere safe to sleep it off. So I took her to my room and put her in bed. I was going to sleep on the couch, I swear… But then she took off all her clothes, opened my pants and her mouth was on me, and it just... it just happened. I wasn't thinking. I feel horrible about it.”

Bucky scoffed, “You’re a fucking idiot, Steve. There are guest rooms for a reason. I hope you know you lost Marison for good.”

“No, I can't lose her. I just have to talk to her, clear this up. Explain it was all just a huge mistake and that I want only her. I can fix this. I'll make her understand." Steve's voice began to quake, "I know she'll forgive me. She always forgives me. Everything will be fine, you'll see.”

Bucky's anger waned at the desperation in his friend's voice. "It's too late pal, she left. She quit this morning."

Steve's face changed from shock, to confusion, to horror. No! No, no, no, no, no. She couldn't be gone. Marison was his. He loved her. He needed her. Needed her affection, her warmth. Needed her fingers running through his hair to help him sleep. Needed her kisses, how she'd pour so much feeling into each one. One kiss on his eyes, his nose, his jaw, his lips, would chase all his fears and doubts away and he felt loved, safe. 

Steve started running to Marison's room. She couldn't leave him. He needed her to make him laugh, remind him to slow down and breathe. He needed the treats she'd make him after a mission. The cute dates she’d plan. She was so much better at it then him. How she always made time for him, no matter what was going on. He needed to hold her hand so he could relax. He needed her to be there for him, hanging on his every word, understanding but never judging him. He needed her voice reassuring him. 

He arrived in front of Marison's door. This was a bad dream, he assured himself. He would open the door and she'd be there waiting for him. She couldn't be gone. She would have told him, she tells him everything. She talks his ear off. Everything would be ok. He just needed to see her. 

Steve slowly pushed the door open, "Marison?" 

Empty. 

There was no sign of her. All her things were gone. He sat on her bed and cried. He lost her. He can't believe he lost her. He'd never forgive himself. 

Steve's blurry eyes swept over the room. It looked so vacant. Clean, and bare of anything except the original furnishings. It looked like Marison was never really there... She was always good at a quick getaway.

He began rummaging through her drawers, her closet. There had to be something, anything to clue him in to where she would have gone. After several minutes of searching, he found a folded yellow dress hidden in the bottom of her dresser. It was all that was left of his Marison. He picked up the garment, holding it to his face, imagining he could still smell her... She was really gone. And it was his fault. 

The End


End file.
